It's disheartening

to be a blogger sometimes.

Or rather, to be a blogger who says out her views.

(Warning: Super long blog entry...)

I haven't been reading the comments, but I'm presuming that loads of you must be asking me to blog out my next entry - but I just don't feel like it.

I am saddened and hurt by something that happened some time ago - and I decided not to blog about it, but yet, I keep getting abused for nothing, and it's time for me to defend myself.

Some time ago I wrote a blog entry about my Just Shoot 3 (it's a Chinese talkshow) appearance.

In that blog entry, I mentioned the questions that were posed to me, as well as commenting that some of the questions were asked rather rudely.

Of all people to respond, I never expected host Dasmond Koh to, because he was the most civil to me that day, and I liked him and thought he would be neutral about me too.

His post is here, read it.

I read his article with my jaw open. Seriously?

I mean, what was so offensive about what I wrote on my previous blog entry?

I merely stated out the questions that were asked - I WASN'T COMPLAINING, WHINING, OR OTHERWISE DISGRUNTLED about the questions.

Obviously, I knew difficult questions were going to be asked before I got on the damn programme, and I was prepared to answer everything.

The only seemingly bad thing I wrote was (besides about Steven Lim, but that's taken for granted that everyone writes bad things about him...) that the questions were asked to me in a rather rude way.

AND THEY WERE.

You can view the clips:

Part 1


Part 2

To say that I don't use my brains when I blog and then snigger, isn't that rude? IT IS WHAT. **


But the rude questions were not asked by Dasmond - they were asked by the fat pock-marked bespectacled man who knows nothing yet talks about everything, and the scrawny ex-councilor who tries to teach others important life morals.

I felt really upset because this was one entry I didn't expect backlash from - its content being all innocuous - but yet I still got it.

Let me give you an example.

How would you feel, if one day, you said, "Wow, the weather is so hot today!"

... and immediately, people all sneer at you, saying loudly, "SO HOT FUCKING GET OUT OF SINGAPORE LA! Apparently even the bloody weather is not good enough for the fucking princess! Spoilt bitch."

Won't be upset meh?

It's just a bloody innocent comment I made leh!

However, I understood that Dasmond might have thought that I was referring to him as rude and got offended by what he misconstrued as my complaining, so I wrote him a long comment.

In the comment I wrote for him, I stated the following points (although by now I have almost forgotten what I wrote).

- What I wrote on my previous blog post was not meant to be complaining about the questions asked me but merely stating for my readers what they can expect from the show if they watch it.

- I like Dasmond and Quan Yifeng very much and I understand that they were just doing their job of asking questions...


And lastly, I told Dasmond I was sorry for spelling his name wrongly, for I've always known his name to be Zhen Rong - back in 1996 when he was my favourite DJ in 93.3 and his Xian Ge Ji Yi show always brightened up my nights.

I posted the comment, feeling an influx of emotions due to nostalgia... Here is Zhen Rong, a celebrity I've liked since I was so young, disliking me. Am I really so disgusting? I merely sat on that stool that day and answered all questions shot at me, rude or otherwise, with a (I think) rather benign demeanour. Not so unlikeable what. And I definitely would never have said anything bad about Dasmond.

Below his seemingly mild blog entry were venomous comments - most of them banking on what he said...

What's most scathing is that... these comments were all approved by Dasmond.

Going on his programme and getting accused at is not enough - I had to get all these things written about me... Looks, intregrity, baseless libel... it was as if I raped a young child to deserve all these, but what I did was to just go onto a damn programme.

Some said I can't handle people being straight-forward towards me, some said I had my comeuppance for being rude to others, some fucking absurd guy said I edit my comments even though I haven't even read them for ages.

Honestly, I can't even be bothered to refute these comments.

(Even got Maia and her "friend" commenting lor! They are fucking full of nonsense.)

I only cared that Dasmond would see the comment and understand that I meant no harm.

The next day, my comment was not approved (it was moderated), and there was an influx of even worse comments appearing.

I'd never know if Dasmond didn't receive the comment, or he deleted it...

Perhaps he would kindly let me know, but until he does so, the most possible thing I can presume is that he deleted it, and that, my readers, is most disheartening.

I'm heartily bothered and I keep thinking I don't want to blog because I don't want to get attacked for some innocent thing I write about again.


**Mr Cai Shen Jiang, if you fucking think you, or any other person, can do any better than me at blogging, than I cordially invite you to fucking set up a blog and TRY.

You know, you act like Steven Lim and I are morons - vapid and fake.

I don't know about Steven, but since I presume you have never read my blog, your presumptions about me are all based on the fact that you know I periodically criticise people.

If you think about it, YOU AND I HAVE BASED OUR CAREER ON ENTIRELY THE SAME THING - criticising people and getting our opinions heard.

You and I are not so different, you know. (We might even have came from the same institution in our youthful years - when our morals values were most strongly imbued into us)

You think your opinions are more valid than mine - but they are merely different.

People have different interests, yours is perhaps in editing Chinese news, playing the gu zhen, or perhaps role-playing as Chang Er this festive season with your pet rabbit, I don't know.

But just because my interests lie in frivolous stuff doesn't mean I AM NOT CAPABLE of being as knowledgeable, or as intellectual as you like to act like you are. I am just interested in other things.

Perhaps it is time for you to learn that not everything that is different from you is bad.

And try as you might, I would bet you can never write a blog more awesome than mine, so you know what? Don't underestimate what I have achieved, and SHUT THE FUCK UP.

*************

Digressing, let's talk about feelings.

I'm gonna talk about Harry Potter again.

Often, in the book, Draco Malfoy insults Hermione and looks down on her being a Muggle-born, just because he thinks that by virtue of the fact that his ancestors were all magical, he is somehow more qualified as a wizard.

There was once he shouted at her to shut up, saying, "Nobody is asking for your opinion, Mudblood!" or something like that. I felt soooo unjustified for Hermione that I almost punched the book - which didn't cease my anger at all, so I punched Mike.

That's complete BULLSHIT, because who knows, Draco's mother might have been a horny slut and fucked the muggle postman thus giving birth to him, and people would be none the wiser (memory charm obviously done to the postman).

Hermione's mom might have also been, perhaps, a more discriminating horny slut too, and fucked the last heir of Ravenclaw (I know she is a girl, but imagine la...), thus giving her the same blood status as Voldemort.

But whatever, all these doesn't matter, because as Hagrid said, "They haven't invented a spell that our Hermione can't do," thus making Hermione blush maroon or something.

How do you feel when somebody unworthy looks down on you?

Like how Umbridge was talking down to Hagrid and acting like he is a retarded person - when she herself is so prejudiced and cowardly and evil! Just feels so... URGHHH! for Hermione and Hagrid, you know?

I get that fucking feeling all the time.

I don't (always) feel like I am superior to whoever is talking down to me, but most certainly I don't think people like Cai Shen Jiang has a right to criticise my flaws when he has not proven himself worthy, you know?

Is he the best at what he is doing? No, he is not, unless you count being most irritating on television, in which he has a good few contenders. What was he even doing at the age of 18? By that age, I've started to entertain thousands with my writing - so who is he to be yakking so much?

I don't mind if some smart professor insults me lor...

But these unknown online critics? Who the FUCK are they?

My point is just that there should be a word for this sort of feeling you get when you get looked down on by an worthy person!!

Imagine it is "orapple" or something... (mixed orange with apple...)

A sentence could go like,

"I'm feeling super fucking orapple because today the road sweeper told me that me graduating from Harvard is easy and he could have done it."

Yup, the English (and come think of it, even Chinese) language doesn't seem to be complete.

Another word I always wanted to be included in the dictionary is the disgruntled feeling you get when you think somebody is unworthy of credit.

Often, people call this particular feeling "jealousy", but it is not! Jealousy is when you wish to be the same, but in this situation, you are obviously not looking forward to BEING like this person because you think this person is not even good enough.

Paris Hilton, for example, seems to evoke this reaction mostly among men, who are often saying she is unworthy of fame or adoration because she is a talentless whore.

This feeling, let's call it "oranana" for now, often creates feelings of bitter dislike for the subject, especially after hearing prolonged praise about the subject.


Example:

Guy A: "This fucking F4 (boy band) is fucking gay. I don't understand why you stupid girls are so interested in them. They are not even good-looking!"

Girl B: "Oh, cmon... You are just jealous of their smothering good looks!"

Guy A: "I AM NOT JEALOUS. I am just oranana. Hate them."

Well, if you there are existing words that you know which can aptly enough be used for orapple and oranana, please let me know!



Moving swiftly on to happier and more frivolous things... PHOTOS!

Beef fillets pan-fried with red wine and garlic,
mushroom ragout and mashed potatoes mixed with pumpkin

(the pumpkin recipe credits to Shuyin and Weili)

COOKED BY MOI!


I AM A HOUSEWIFE AUNTIE CAN??

Mike was complaining that I don't cook for him anymore, so I made my way to NTUC White Sands (renovating some more, so irritating) to buy groceries!!

Last time every time I go into a supermarket I always think that aunties will look at us young 'uns like we were wrecking havoc at their territory, but I don't know whether it is me... the aunties all seem to have accepted me as one of them now!!

Bah.

Weili and Shuyin are even more auntie and uncle lor... That day for our Mid-autumn celebrations, the duo decided they would cook and Weili taught me two important new supermarket rules:

1) We were looking for something, when I found it and grabbed the first one that I saw.

Weili smacked me on the hand smartly, put my item back, and took another brand two rows below.

"Items on the eye level shelves are the most expensive!" he proclaimed with the wisdom of a age-old supermarketer.

"Perhaps not your eye level..." he added unnecessarily.

2) "I want to eat watermelons!" Weili announced to the entire fruit-shopping clientele at Giant Tampines. I told him I am very anal one, if watermelon not sweet I don't eat.

Thinking this would persuade him not to buy a watermelon which I am not keen on, I was proven wrong immediately when he happily said, "OK! I choose sweet one!"

I thought maybe the darker green the sweeter, but was greeted with a funny sight at the watermelon bin.

A mass array of aunties were curiously smacking the watermelons while having their ears near to them, as if the watermelons have been quite naughty and didn't dare to protest above a whisper.

Weili made a beeline and took up an melon which had just let an auntie down, smacking it with his fingers. "Hear! Got hollow hollow and will reverberate one then is sweet!"

"Ahhh.... This one not bad. I find one not sweet one for you..."

"SEE! This one not sweet! Not hollow hollow one!"

I asked enthusiastically, "I want got fen fen (powdery) inside one leh... Can you pick those out for me???!"

Weili ignored me.

Aye, the things one can learn when one becomes auntie.

Just in case you think Weili seems more auntie than Shuyin, you would be proven wrong now because Shuyin once said if you want to wash coloured clothes that run, just pour vinegar into the water and the colour won't come out lor!

AUNTIE!!! Auntie with shrill voice.

Back to my cooking! The beef looks very raw but Mike says he liked it! He ate 4 pieces of it. -_-

Pink saucepan (Shuyin buy for me one...)!


Loosening noodles...


Boiling chicken...


Hungry boyfriend...


Beansprouts plucked while watching E!

I am making laksa!

Although the egg is not cut properly and the sauce is a premix, I am still very proud of myself coz it is so delicious!

There was a bit of sauce leftover and I put maggi mee inside... YUMMY!

************

Plastered outside the greasy walls of Mustafa was a random Nokia poster...

I walked past it and did a double take.

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See anything funny?













Completely looks like our Prime Minister la!!!

I'm sure it is not him, but still? That smile, the nose and the bowl-cut hair... quite handsome hor!!

To think our Prime minister can be Nokia model lor!

*chuckles to oneself*

************

Ming invited me to a Charity dinner organised by food blogger cum doctor Leslie Tay, whose food blog is getting increasingly popular!

I also wanted to come up with food blog last time but my whole point was to eat free food and earn money - but I don't seem how I can be completely honest when I earn money/get free things so I dropped the idea.

But I really admire these foodies, they can really take the effort to travel to different places to eat and actually pay for their food lor! (Or don't they??)

I can't stand being hungry - if you asked me to go look for some particular restaurant all the time before I can eat I will confirm become super grumpy one. Mike is scared of my "hunger anger".

So, the charity dinner! Ming bought 6 tickets on behalf of Nuffnang.

My hair is uncharacteristically horrible for event standards. I washed it before going out, and the fucking hair won't dry fast enough for me to curl it! Grrr...

With me is Estee, and we are designing placards! There is a compeition, so I took it very seriously lor!

See? Adding final touches...

(photoshopped the arm a bit too skinny)


Estee too


Our cards!

I think Mine is chioer than the winner's lor (not shown), whose card admittedly had a lot of effort put in but look a bit like a garden, haha!

Is it very sore loser ah? haha... But I don't love my own artwork who will, right? :D

Ming's card! He draw the Nuffnang logo super warped lor...

The food at the newly opened Aston something something (so sorry I forgot!!) is at Joo Chiat (you can check Dr Leslie's site if you really want to know) and the food there is fab!

My caesar salad - super good!


Everyone else had prawn cocktail


Succulent prawns! The prawns are super HUGE and fresh!


Minestrone soup. Yummy!


My clam chowder... Hmmm, not that great.
The cream tastes a bit like bottled cream sauce kind.


"Take photo!!!"

"Oei! Serious one leh!"


"Better!"




Cam-whoring


Pretty drinks



SUPER DUPER YUMMY PRIME RIB OF BEEF!!

Oh man, the beef is so fresh and it just melts on your mouth, and there's such a thick slab of it!

Selling at $46 (I think) with red wine sauce.

(Don't worry la Indulgz, I still love you all the most, different price range mah!!)

Estee's salmon

I honestly think this is the best salmon I've ever had. It's so fatty, the bloody thing just brings you right into heaven can? I rate it 700/10.

Yeah la yeah la, I can't be a food critic coz my judgements are always so extreme.

Lastly, Estee and I with the good doctor!

He raised like $7000 plus that day for charity lor!

************

Mike's 26th birthday!

I organised a surprise BBQ party for him.

You know how much the bill from Giant came up to?

$251.

That's right! I bought SOOOOO much stuff (which, fairly enough, also included bed sheets and some lingerie), and all these bottles of soft drinks/beer/raw food were all chunked into the over-stuffed fridge the night before.

MIKE NEVER NOTICED A THING!

He just thought I bought all the groceries like I do normally!

One hour before he reached home, he was still under the impression that he and I were going to have a quiet dinner at Al Forno's and messaged me "Super can't wait to go to Al Forno's, baby!".

He is damn kua kua lor!

I didn't take a lot of pics coz I was busy bbq-ing, not to mention sweaty, sun-burnt and ugly.

Can see immediately that it's a girl who did this hor? Judging from the coals la, dumbass, I'm not talking about her hands!

None other than Miss Fan QQ lor!

Damn tak glam.

The boyfriend...

Lying on my couch as lazy as the U zap next to him.

Stop asking me if U zap works! I never use it enough to know leh... Stupid purchase.

Kelvin is a changed man lor. He is now a reliable workaholic!

By night...

See our guests all using pink plastic cutlery!! :D

Wah... I really worked damn hard for this, ok?

I scurried around the whole day, marinating the salmon, mushrooms, prawns, scallops (chopped garlic, lump of Plantas butter, slice of cheese) and cleaning the house myself!

Thankfully got QQ who came early to help me lor! AI NI!

Me giving the cake to the birthday boy...

By the time he blew the candles, he had drank about 20 or so cans or beer (I might be exaggerating, but I think it's close) and the alcohol transformed him from quiet geeky engineer to loud life-of-the-party.

It's a remarkable sight that everyone was giggling at lor.

At one point he even stood in front of everyone and announced his pleasure that they had all come to give him an excuse for his intoxication.

While speaking animatedly, he splashed some beer on the floor ("oops!") and continued by candidly announcing, "If you all want to splash beer on the floor, you are welcome to as well!"

I gave everybody a look that plainly said if they do so, I will personally see that their family clans are eradicated, then screamed at Mike to clean it up.

That belligerent drunk merely informed me that the beer will evaporate soon enough, and I had to stop my mahjong game to clean it lor!

ANGRY! Thus explaining the explosion graphic on my face.

I don't think he noticed that there was cream on his face until several hours later, but he was indeed very, very happy that night.

Happy birthday BB!

Thanks to everyone who helped, especially QQ, TSY and Uncle Robert for bbq-ing!

************

I got inspired by this:

From fafi.net, so I decided to paint my room!


Around the toilet light switch!


Adding in the details...

I know it's not very symmetrical, but freehand mah!

It's the best I can do.

Almost done, but it's already 6 in the morning (I started at midnight) so I'm damn sleepy!

The whites need to be touched up, they are not opaque enough.

With the rest of the room...

Mike drilled up my mirror yesterday! I am super happy. Soon you guys can see it when it's completed!

**************

Are you saddened because you are reaching the end of my blog entry, where your internet experience becomes bland and pointless again? Fret not! There's always internet TV Xiaxue to watch!

NEW EPISODES!!

Xiaxue's Guide to Life

If you are bored of waiting for me to blog, at least you know that every week my show will confirm be shown on Click Network!

This week's ep is fucking funny (in my opinion la) and involves me and Kay Kay bimbo-shopping for slutty clothes at City Plaza!

Just in case you are wondering, when I was asking for sexy clothes from the shop auntie I was MAKING FUN OF THE AUNTIE, OK! Not serious one hor!

News Asia on the Net

Hosted by Debbie Wong and Howard Lo (such newscasters' names), and I can't get enough of their mad China news la! This ep is about a fake China Disneyland and the top 10 men desired by Cheena women.

Go watch!!

It has just started raining! I shall go read some more Harry Potter and sleep!

p/s: My mood changed drastically throughout the writing of this blog post.

UPDATE: Zhen Rong messaged me to clear up the misunderstanding (although I keep forgetting to reply, sorry!!!). As it turns out, my comment for him somehow got into his spam folder, it wasn't that he deleted it.

No hard feelings dude... Please stop insulting his entire family in the comments la!

Meanwhile, Cai Shen Jiang wrote some beautiful prose in Mandarin about a metaphorical "xia xue"!

I shall unabashedly presume he is talking about me, or rather, my stupid internet nickname.

Blah blah blah, say what snow used to be pure and innocent, but after being downtrodden by the city and its vices, became... eh... a puddle of evil water!! HAHAHA!! My literal translation!!

And he concluded in his moral superiority that snow is dirty and shameful - or something to that effect la.

You know what old fart?

FUCK OFF LA!

Don't act like you fucking know me so well lor! What cb pure and innocent at heart. Well... fuck you! I'm evil and horrible at heart! And stop acting like people's mother la, want to insult just do it la, must whimper around and talk in circles. I spit uncivilisedly on the parquet flooring of my room.

I love being childish to people who act so dignified. HEHE