WAS COMPLETELY KIDDING

I can't believe that a reporter and a few other people (including a friend's concerned dad) thought it is serious that I went for a SEX CHANGE?!?!?!

HONESTLY PEOPLE! Like, a real sex change? With a synthetic penis from a Thai vengeful housewife? Using my new penis to TYPE??!

Which part of those sound even slightly conceivable?!

The reporter was all like asking my managers:

"Why did she get a sex change?"

"How long has she felt this 'manliness' for?"

"How much did it cost?"

"Why did she finally decide to do it?"

KUAKUAKUA!!

Anyway, now for the truth.

The truth to why I haven't blogged for so long.

IT IS BECAUSE....


I AM ACTUALLY A DINOSAUR (disguised as a human) AND DINOSAURS HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO.


I mean, honestly... If you were a T-rex like me, transported through time to come live in 2008, would you just stay at home and blog all day long? I mean, during MY time, all there was to do is to chew up little dinosaurs and roar and roar! IT'S SO FUCKING BORING I TELL YOU.

Now, I can play video games, go online, shop for clothes, get mistaken for an SPG etc... GOT LOTS TO DO!

I do miss my dinosaur pals though... Roarer the T-rex, Jennifer the lovely swooping bird sort of dino (sorry I can't spell the names you human scientists gave us, and if I use dinosaur language you guys can't understand me), and even Jimmy! Jimmy looks like Barny except green! I totally miss him whenever I see Barny.

So yup. Stop hounding me or I will transform back into my fearsome T-rex self and bite your heads off.

I mean it! I'm totally a dinosaur and it is totally believable! What do you mean this is even a taller tale than the sex change? It's totally true and I'm hurt from your baseless accusations.

Not dead

A good evening to the 12 of you (or so) left still reading my dead, dead blog.

I've a very good reason for not blogging. That's right, I went ahead and did what I've always wanted. Some of you guessed it, others might be shocked beyond words: I took the plunge and had a sex change.

Wearing pink all the time, feeling a compulsive urge to buy fluffy, frilly stuff in order to hide my MANLY, MANLY self inside. I HAD ENOUGH! If God made me a man inside, then I decided I very well ought to go with his divine flow!!

I went to Thailand and had a synthetic penis surgically attached to me.

It measures 15 cm whenever I get randy, and 7 cm when floppy. I know, I know, it's so mediocre right? Well, you know what they always say - it's the girth and not the length, right, girls?!

Unfortunately, the girth of my new penis is like, erm, let me get horny first...












Ok back.

Like the size of a 20c coin.

Which is not very wide at all, but hey! It's a damn penis that was cut off by a vengeful housewife who was also very commercially attuned, so she quickly sold it off the black market at a whooping 1000 baht! 1000 baht can buy a lot of Tom yam maggi mee - which might bring her more enjoyment than a 20c coin penis, I guess.

The other penis choice I had looks like it's from a great-grandfather (even had a few strands of white, wispy hairs which I assume were pubes), so I went ahead and went with the vengeful housewife's one.

Thai women are often cutting off their men's penises, I heard.

I know I know, why can't I used penises from all the Thai trannies right?! That's simply not right - I'm a straight man and I refuse that my penis is gay.

So anyway, after the antagonizing surgery, I had to rest for precisely the amount of days I took not to blog. "What has your penis got to do with blogging?!" the 12 of you anxious stalkers must be asking indignantly.

My dears, everything! You are right! Now that I finally have a penis, I'm going to make the best of it and use it on everything! Including typing and holding frying pans near the hot flames.

Now, the question you people are all dying to ask. No no, not whether I can know fuck myself (you people can be so insensitive sometimes! God!), but I am now straight or gay?

CAN I EVER BE CLASSIFIED SINCE I AM AN HERMAPHRODITE? I'm so confused!

Anyway, I've got like 200 photos to post up. Don't ask your friends to come to my website, you 12 loyal no-lifers. If I think nobody is reading, then I can write juicy gossip.

p/s: Of course comments are not allowed.