3cm gone, thanks to CENOSIS!

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When Nuffnang told me that Cenosis was inviting me to go for a slimming treatment, I felt elated and apprehensive at the same time.

Elated because I saw what they did for Quan Yi Feng (and trust me I saw her MANY times in real life and she's SUPER slim!) and I wanted the same results!

Apprehensive because let's face it, who trusts Slimming Companies? For some reason, everyone's first reaction is that they don't work. And if they don't work, how the hell am I supposed to write an advertorial for them?!

I walked into Cenosis and these slim ladies in suits started to talk to me. One in charge of Biz development, another is a nutritionist, and yet another is a physiotherapist!

We were talking about the slimming industry and I was surprised to see how frank the girls were about how untrustworthy slimming centres are generally perceived to be.

Since there are no board of governance in the slimming industry, there are loads of misleading ads out there simply lying about slimming technologies, a subject which most clients have no idea about.

Especially now that the economy is in the dumps, competitors start to get more and more blatant with their lies to get customers.

Of course, the actual slimming is promised but never fulfilled, and one bad apple starts to ruin the whole basket.

When Cenosis explained to me how underhanded their competitors can be (by showing me actual ads), I could FEEL their indignation seething.

I can totally understand it! Just like when Plasticzilla was blowing up her hits and only I know it's impossible but I can't prove it!

Cenosis wants to CHANGE this perception. They want to show that their slimming methods DO work.

And so they bought my current favourite robot,
called a CAVITATION machine.

This machine is obviously mad expensive and Cenosis is the only slimming centre which owns it.

So now you are thinking it's just another bullshit machine?

Well...

It's a medical machine.

Only PHYSIOTHERAPISTS and DOCTORS can administer this treatment.

The machine works at 50watts.

Therefore, it requires an N2 license from the National Environment Agency.

The N2 license is a safety assurance license to ensure nobody but certified physiotherapists and doctors can handle the machine.

What IS a physiotherapist? I was surprised to find out that physiotherapists are degree holders and they actually have to study for 5 years to get a degree in Physiotherapy before they qualify as one!

So not to worry, it won't be some untrained part-time girl doing the treatments on you!

Back to Cavitation... What does it do?

It breaks down fat cells membrane through the bursting of micro bubbles. The complex fatty acids then are broken down into simpler fatty acids, which are passed out when you poop.

(I got horrified at this point and asked if it's like Xanical and thank god, it isn't. Just regular poop.)

Other slimming centres (I'd love to name names but Cenosis wants to remain nice) have been coming up with ads of 'imitation' Cavitation machines.

Since cavitation involves penetrating deep in to break the fat cells membrance, other less strong machines won't be able to do it, so don't fall for cheaper deals that don't work - just go for the real thing!

But first, because I get to try Cavitation, I must first get on the Body Composition Evaluator.

There it is


I hate this stupid thing because
it told me I should be IDEALLY...



39.5 kg!

I know it sounds like it's very little but I'm mad short so that should be my ideal weight.

I always knew I was pudgy lah but I so did not need to see confirmation of that. Hmpf!

But first, the ladies bring me on a tour to see what's actually going on inside a slimming centre. Not any slimming centre of course. Cenosis!

Look at this mad awesome jacuzzi!

The jacuzzi is open for ALL CUSTOMERS to use after their treatments, for free, so that they can have a completely relaxing treatment session. Imagine going with your girlfriend for a treatment then gossiping in that tub in bikinis? Fun!

Steam rooms and saunas are both available!


The "Infu-slim".

It uses water treatments for massage and slimming effects!

The treatment rooms are specially designed for clients' comfort.

Looks like a normal bed? You are WRONG!

The bed is some like complicated machine that has a remote for you to adjust your own head rest, foot rest and back rest!

And there's a phone attached to it too so you can call the front desk at any time!

Best thing is, you can play your own cd if you don't like Cenosis' music! I'd totally blast my therapist with JA JAM BO!!! Too bad they don't play cassettes.

Some more pictures of their rooms with machines:





The slim wave



The Aero-Slim



The Heat Blanket



And amazingly enough, there are more!!!

CHECK IT OUT! There must be a million dollars worth of equipment in there!


And so I change into my robes...

And camwhore for a bit before my physiotherapist comes in!!
Woohoo!!



My favourite machine after my blackberry/LX3.





I have no idea what this is for... They were stuck on me before treatment begins!

And they decided to do my thighs for me!!!


So fat, no wonder...

CAVITATION IS AMAZING!!!!!!


Measurements show that
I lost 1.5 cm on each thigh!!

Not only that, after a mere 20 min treatment on each thigh, I could literally FEEL the difference! I could feel it being slimmer and I swear I'm not lying!

For some reason the treatment hurt my left thigh more than my right (the pain is really very tolerable, like a buzzing sensation) so the voltage used on my right was 80 or something and on my left was 45!

And amazingly enough, I could see that my right thigh was visibly smaller than the left!!!

I'm totally sold on it man!

But wait! The treatment doesn't stop here!

After buzzing me up, Cenosis gave me food! Yes f-ing way!

It's the 1st Slimming Centre that launched a Nutri-bar right there in their centre... It even has a kitchen that serves food to clients planned by in-house nutritionists!

Awesome boh?

Afraid you'd succumb to KFC after slimming treatments? Well, just have your fill of healthy food at Cenosis!

First I get served a drink...

Honeydew and Plum!

I drank all of mine. It's sour and totally refreshing! The pulp from the fruits are all left in the drinks for extra nutrients. And I know it looks gross but it's really nice!

The menu that day was Indian styled cooking, so we had briyani and spinach...

Together with Fish Curry!

I won't say it's the best meal of my life. In fact, it's bland but I love it! I love how the food is not oily and over-powering in taste like most outside food.

After eating you definitely won't feel unwell (if you know what I mean, like your stomach is protesting), and you'd feel totally refreshed! And it tastes like comfort food, like the family dinners grandma used to cook!

I probably love unhealthy food more than the average person does but it feels really detoxifying to have something so healthy for a change.

Pah! Food is totally the worst hindrance when it comes to losing weight. I think it's awesome that Cenosis came up with this!

And of course, a lovely hot cup of tea to polish everything off.

Don't know if you guys have heard of the Slimming Glass House Challenge. Last year, Cenosis had Quan Yi Feng do slimming treatments in a glass house for everyone to see, so that people will know what the treatments are like.


This year they are doing it again and a fellow blogger, Winnilicious, is chosen! Do support her in her quest to become slim! :D


p/s: A trial Cavitation treatment is at $33 so call Cenosis at 7000 700 6626!!!

For more information on Cavitation technology, do click here!!

The Best Decisions

Today I was thinking about life and how decisions let us either make it or break it.

People often look back upon the decisions and even if it's an obviously wrong one, they go like, "Yeah but I'm not bad now and I think that decision made me wiser/stronger/fiercer etc". Or maybe that's just me coz I'm madly optimistic like that.

Well, I think my life is pretty darn good so here are all the best, totally life-changing, decisions I think I've made in my life!

Not in order of bestness.

1) Answering his email.

Many of you have asked about the love story between Mike and I. Well, to cut a very, very long story short (I still hope it'd be made into a movie although it has no ending, yet), we met on the internet.

Mike sent me an email. A rather typical one I'd say... He sent me that email because he likes short girls and wanted to correct me on my perception that all men love tall chicks!

That email was rather funny but afterall I get quite a lot of emails from readers and I don't bother to reply most of them.

EXCEPT.

His email had a picture attached to it. It's a CUTEEEEEE picture.

Still, he's from America and what's the point of flirting with him when I'd probably never get to meet him, right?!

(Wrong!)

So anyway, I replied, and a few more funny email replies from him later, we started to chat on msn... The rest is history... Or at least another blog post saved for another day!

Even if he breaks my heart now at least I still had 3 of the happiest years of my life and nothing can take that away!!

Are they my happiest years? Ok I just thought about it and they are indeed. Cheers!

2) Starting this blog.

Thank god I was bored that one day in April 2003.

3) Persevering through haters.

So many times I've wanted to give up and shut down the blog after reading hurtful comments. Keep in mind I wasn't earning any money at those points so I basically was getting spewed vitriol at for nothing!

Luckily for me, I'm bloody thick-skinned and an attention whore.

Surprisingly enough, nowadays haters just make me feel even more secure about myself.

I go like, "Boo, this sad little fellow is spending all his time writing me a longass email trying his darnest to hurt me but the tragic thing is that I can't even be bothered to reply!"

4) Checking through my spam that one fine day.

The first advertorial/sponsorship on my blog is by Localbrand. This has NEVER been done in Singapore and the idea was conceived by Localbrand's owner and founder, Turodrique Fuad. (His name is mad funny right?!)

His email went into my spam folder. (With a name like that obviously go into Spam ahahahaha!)

And for some reason I went to check it and saw that Turodrique wanted to sponsor and pay me to wear his t-shirts on my blog! Not wet white see-thru ones either!

I was a poor student part-timing as a banquet waitress at this point so obviously I jumped at the chance!

This received local news coverage (thanks Newpaper!) and made my hits jump from 500 daily to about 3,000.

We discussed more about how to do this (ie be honest it's an ad, or just do it sneakily? You can guess which route Turodrique advised me to choose - another great decision) and till today he remains one of the greatest mentors I've ever had.

Just for example, the Pixel Grid, which has earned me more than $10,000 to date, was suggested by him. (And he found it on milliondollarhomepage lah, just that he suggested I incorporate it on the blog).

I love you TurorororodridridriQQQQQue!

5) Getting a nose job

$12,000 nose job in exchange for letting the whole world know I'm part plastic. Yes or no?

My mom, relatives, some friends (yes you Howard!) and even MIKE were deeply opposing the idea.

It's funny how nobody EVER praised my old nose before and suddenly I'm filled with comments here and there saying "IT LOOKS OK WHAT!".

Totally don't look ok lor. Muthafucking huge.

I only remember Kaykay telling me to go for it. LOL!

I used to feel so conscious everytime my photo was taken coz I know the nose would be so goddamn mushroomy.

And yet I chose to go against all these people who meant well for me and did it! The nose is SO MUCH SMALLER NOW!

I totally can't dig my nose with my finger anymore but it's totally worth it. Believe it or not, I use the less severe end of the pimple picker (like a spatula) to scrap out boogers while showering. If you ever use my shower, I advise you not to use my pimple picker.

Why the hell you using other people's pimple picker anyway?!

6) Not apologizing to the Plasticzilla.

Coz she smells like armpits and smegma. HAHAHAHA! No lah seriously... I knew she had no balls!

7) Meeting/believing in Gillian.

For those of you who have no idea yet, Gillian is the founder of munkysuperstar pictures. She also created shows like Eye for a Guy, S factor... And of course the whole of Clicknetwork.tv's spew of great internet films and my very own TV show Girls Out Loud, co-hosted with Rozzie.

So the story goes like this: Two 'directors' arranged to meet me during 2006... Just so happens at about the same time.

I met the first director and nothing happened with her. She just said she wanted me to star in a film and then disappeared! Maybe my nose was too big.

When Gillian wanted to meet me to discuss a tv show with me, I felt pretty apprehensive but went to meet her anyway.

She was 26 then and honestly looks like she's too chio to be accomplishing anything of value.

Anyway she was speaking in these vague terms about creating a reality show based on my blog. She sounded really excited and said she'd draft up episodes and discuss with me again.

Sounds great, right?

Except the woman disappeared after that. Like for 3 months or so. Fucking waste my time and raise my hopes!! Fine, I do have a lot of time to waste but that's not the point.

Afterwards she called me again and said that she had the episode ideas ready and would like to meet me again!

And guess why she didn't contact me? Coz her appendix ruptured during the start of a 10-hour plane ride and almost killed her!!

People was in hospital recovering from near-death experience and there I was, telling my friends what a lazy ass that director is, all looks no substance etc. HAHAHA!

Ahem. I think I'm really quite a nasty person. I'm surprised I still have friends left. I guess it must be my dashing good looks and seductive scent. Cough.

Anyway, months and months and months later, this reality show idea, without much credit to me, morphed into Girls Out Loud and made me a TV star! An 8-episode local TV star but a TV star nonetheless!

And of course till today munkysuperstar is managing me and we have just celebrated our 50th Guide to Life episode!!

Most Guide ideas are from either her or Munky's awesome staff... With them I've experienced so much more in life, including putting Mayo on my hair and almost getting pinched to death by crabs...

Gillian is the one encouraging me to write the movie script and applied for the $6,000 grant, which we got! Hopefully it gets made into a full-length feature film!

And not only do we have a good (I hope) working relationship, she's also an awesome friend!

I bless the dua pek gong for the day I met her!

8) Not dating shitty guys anymore

One day just snapped out of it and realised that I'm at least worth a guy committing to me instead of just playing me around. A man who'd love me and think I'm perfect. Not a man who thinks the next girl might be better or more suitable for him than me.

Fuck that shit. I fucking had enough of JERKS who think they are all that! I'd rather be single than be treated like a dispensable and slightly used plastic fork!

Right on cue Mike appeared. I believe there must be a Love God.

Ok actually Mike appeared when I was still dating a jerk, but thank god he hung around for a bit longer while I talked to him about my Jerk Woes.

******************************

Ok fine. Upon re-reading my post I realised no. 2, 4, 7 are more of a luck thing than a decision thing. Whatever! They still involve at least a weee bit of decision-making on my part!



And so these are some of the best decisions I've made in my life! As Homer Simpson would crudely correct me, the best SO FAR!

Hopefully more to come!

What are some of the best decisions you've made that changed your life completely??