Ok I'm gonna do a patronising blog post because although I'm super sleepy, I refuse to sleep yet! I must fight my jet lag!
So erm I shall blog about how I don't like sex scenes in movies or tv shows.
And "sex scene" includes the prelude to sex ie passionate kissing and the hasty removal of clothes etc.
I used to like them. Sex scenes I mean... When I was a kid my mom or grandma would hastily cover my eyes whenever the actors on Channel 8 dramas would kiss or do naughty stuff.
So whenever I was free to watch them sucking each others' mouths while grandma's back's turned to the dishes, it was a little treat for me... Oh... so
that's how she got pregnant. Coz he kissed her and they fell into the bed together!
And then when I was 19 or so I thought hey! I could try sneaking into the R rated movies! It'd be sooooooo cool! Wow! Naked people on the big screen!! So exciting!
And somewhere in between 19 to 26 it changed to "
meh..." and now it's "
Geez not another fucking sex scene. Why must ALL movies have at least one?"
No really... Why? Do people really enjoy watching kisses? I sure as hell don't, especially when it's some exciting plot ie we are about to find out who the murderer is and the two leads decide to get it on.
I just want the plot to go on and the mystery to be solved; conflict to be resolved. OK?
And as far as I'm concerned all kisses look the same to me!! Even the famed kiss in The Notebook, one of my favourite shows, I couldn't care less about. So it's in the rain and it symbolizes a sealing of their love. That's interesting only for 2 seconds, after that it's too long.
Bleah. Actually, it's not that bad in a picture.
And there are only
3 situations in which you can watch a sex scene in a show:
1) Watching a sex scene alone.
This has the consequence of either making you horny or bored. I don't like being bored. And if I feel horny, I feel like a loser pervert watching porn alone wtf.
2) Watching a sex scene with your partner.
If you are watching a sex scene with a date then great, perhaps it'd lead to sex for the first time between you two. Congratulations.
But if you are in a stable relationship, all you feel is that the show is giving your partner an unrealistic expection of how crazy awesome sex should be and how yours, in contrast, sucks.
Am I supposed to be smiling like that while giving a blowjob? Should I be wearing slutty bras, suspenders and heels to bed more often? How come he doesn't lick my toes? Yeah if I did the doggie style like that my belly hangs out like a pig's - how come hers can stay flat? Should I agree to a threesome? They seem to be enjoying it. OMG do all the other girls anal rim?
No thanks.
3) Watching a sex scene with anyone else.
I fucking
HATE it when a sex scene pops up on shows especially when I'm watching it with family (on tv not in the cinema)!!!! Can you say AWKWARD??
What should I do?? Continue watching and be judged as a pervert? But mom's next to me... Pretend to use the phone? Jump up and to go the toilet? Comment on the girl's nipples and make a joke? What?
I suppose it's tolerable if you watch a sex scene with close friends who are all laughing at the actors' bodily imperfections but still! Interrupting the plot with unnecessary drivel!
I therefore conclude that sex scenes suck! I especially hate shows like True Blood or Tudors where it's like ALL about the sex. Geez! If I wanted to see people having sex I'd go watch porn instead!
Do you enjoy the kissing/sex scenes in movies?
p/s: HAHAHA Are there some of you who are reading this post with family and feeling awkward too? LOL FYL!!