I win for "Grossest New Year Anyone Can Probably Be Experiencing"

Happy new year!

Contrary to the false alarm on my wikipedia entry that proclaimed I died on Xmas day in Dallas, I am alive, kicking, and apparently, blogging too!

More about that later.

As I was saying, Happy New Year!

You know who is NOT happy today?



Me.

You know who is even more unhappy than me today?




The thousands of maggots that lived in my fridge and just got killed.

Bon Appetit! May I tempt you with some nuggets perhaps?

(Although maggots probably do not know it's New Year today... But still... Generally an unhappy day for them.)


Yup. Disgusting.


You are probably wondering why my fridge was in this state. Maybe one day Mike and I will look back upon this story and laugh about it, but not right now.


So anyway... As you already know, we left on 10th of Dec for Dallas, and just reached Singapore on NYE at 1am. That's 22 days including time zone differences.

Before we left the house, we made sure all windows got shut and turned off all our electrical applicances.

Mike said, "Let's just hit the braker, make sure everything is off."

"Okay!" I chirped.

So with that, we turned off the main power supply and left the house with no electricity on - at all.


Two hours later, we were seated on the plane to Korea when I gasped.

"What?!" Mike said.

"The fridge. Oh my god," I replied.

"Oh shit... It's off isn't it? Oh shit." Mike sighed. "I'm so sorry baby... I just didn't realise..."

"Me neither... Oh well, it probably would just go bad... Flies can't go in and lay eggs, can they? It's sealed shut..."



WELL APPARENTLY THEY CAN!


Little fuckers!!!!!!!!!


The moment we opened our door, the stench was so overpowering it seriously like... knocked me backwards. The entire house stank so bad, I had gagging reflexes as I ran to open the balcony door and all windows.

The fridge had a pool of ambiguous brown liquid leaked out underneath it.

That brown liquid had flies on it.


"Maybe it's melted chocolate. I have some chocolate inside," I said hopefully. Doesn't smell like it though.

"I'd bet it's the ground beef..." Mike being ever the pessimist.


We knew we had a packet of nuggets (sealed) some hot dogs (sealed), and some ground beef (not securely sealed in cling wrap). That's all the meat we had.


We were both wrong.

We turned on the fridge to freeze whatever vermin which might be living inside to death first, and finally worked up our courage to open the fridge door the next morning.

Armed with insecticide, we opened it and jumped away in case anything would hop out and leech themselves onto us.

A cloud of opaque air gushed out of the freezer...

OMG....... The smell...... The wiggling of thousands of worms......


I've never been more disgusted in my whole fucking life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Are you taking a picture?!!" Mike said indignantly at me as I clicked away. Yeah... Good blogging material what!

"Do you really want to remember this moment?" He asked amidst making gagging noises.

"Might be funny later," I shrugged.

No such thing as 'bad time for camwhoring'

And in case you are wondering, the white towel is my gas mask for the day.


So we started cleaning it - Throwing away EVERYTHING inside.


The brown liquid came from a hugeass packet of frozen (once upon a time) chicken breast fillets that we both forgot existed.


It is so muthafucking soggy and disgusting.

The ice trays had ice in it and dead maggots UNDERNEATH the ice.

I only took one picture of the maggots because I ran away after that. Those you see is just a small part of what was actually there.

The inside of the fridge had way more, and there was a palm-sized area that was soooooo full of eggs stuck there, the entire area was just brown in colour.


The smell... Did I already talk about the smell??

It smelt exactly like how the lizard that dead in my computer cables smelt like. Like a somewhat salty, sour smell. A little like dried sotong but 1000 times worse.

And... It goes deep into your nose canal and stays there so that you can still smell it hours later. If you breathe through your mouth, you can even taste it somewhat.

Mike shoo-ed me away to hose all the maggots away... He is so goddamn brave, I tell you.

My hero. He told me to mosaic his ugly clothes.

One hour later Mike cleared most of the stuff off. Maggots 101: They are sticky!

My turn. I scrubbed "egg marks" off with a toothbrush, wiped down all nooks and crevices with a soapy hand towel, then wiped down all surfaces with a dettol-infused hand towel (burns like bleach), then wiped everything with soap again.

All while gagging consistently at the horrible smell.

Dismantled the fridge to clean everything out. The maggots even got inside the back plate of the fridge, those little fuckers!!

Poured Dettol down every possible surface

Dettol is awesome!


And then I squeegeed maggot eggs and excess water off the wet floor into the drains.

There.

We thought after few hours of slogging (mostly Mike slogged coz he reckoned it is his fault) the fridge is spanking clean, even though it still stunk like hell.


So we let it air-dry, went out for lunch, and brought charcoal deodorizer and baking soda.


When we went back home, to my horror, I saw a maggot crawling on the goddamn door! WTFWTFWTF!!! How is that possible?!

(I sprayed it with insecticide to watch it die first. That felt good.)


The answer was that the insides of the rubber flaps that sealed the fridge shut was still bloody infested with eggs and maggots!!! Muthafuckers!


Honestly man... We should've just thrown the bloody fridge away and bought a goddamn new one for our landlord. He can't possibly mind... This fridge is so old and small anyway.

About $400 for a fridge like that... I'd pay double that amount to not have to deal with this shit!


Imagine that.

Some unknowing fucker would open that fridge door, thinking he might be able to get a free fridge from the rubbish pile... AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! It won't be us getting that gush of maggoty fragrance! Orh bi for being a greedy poke!


Sigh. If the smell doesn't clear up, I'm really gonna get a new fridge. I honestly cannot imagine eating any food out of that fridge, ever again.

Cheers!Aren't you happy you are not me?!


Well... The good thing is... my year can only get better!

********************************

So yeah... Someone edited my wiki page to say that I died in a car crash during Xmas day when I was driving alone in Dallas. The person even included the time - approximately 5.30pm!

Creative, huh?!

At precisely that time I was actually in Mike's mom's place eating a sumptuous Xmas dinner of Alaskan crab legs dipped in melted butter.

I was aboard the plane on NYE and was just about to turn off my phone before the plane took off, when Ming called me all the way from Bangkok to USA through Singaporean phone lines.

"Are you ok?" he asked. "Someone wrote on your wiki page you died!"

"Of course I am ok lah! Won't it be fucking scary if I am dead and talking to you now?" I laughed.

After I hung up I felt a bit scared. What if my plane crashed and I died on NYD? Won't it be infinitely morbid?!

But I survived the flights even though they were not very pleasant.


Good joke, whoever you are!!!!!!


I hope you die in a car crash too! :) Remember to let me know during your last surviving moments so I can update your wiki page also, k? What do you mean how? Email me lah! Xiaxue@gmail.com! Oh right... You don't have a wiki page because you are not important enough. Oh well...


But honestly though... I quite understand.

I mean this fucker, whoever he is, actually was online during Xmas day, went to the wikipedia page of a virtual stranger, and entertained himself by editing it with my death.

That about sums up the Xmas Day plans of the biggest loser in the world.

Honestly, shouldn't you be eating turkey with parents who love you and opening presents from people who cared about your existance??


I sound like I am angry, but I actually found this whole thing pretty funny.

Shin Min also called me to ask me to comment about this! They must have found it funny too. :D


I'll update with USA pics soon!!


p/s:

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Just a friendly reminder not to ever turn off your fridge!!

ROLL WITH IT!

Advertorial

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After a long day of wearing lens, or just being awake, your eyes feel so lifeless and tired?

Tadah!!

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The metal ball is cold and damn shiok! Now I won't fall asleep during MJ anymore!!

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I think it's perfect for long plane rides. :)

Time to give it a test!



Putting it over my eye area!



Nice cooling effect as the liquid immediately gets absorbed by my skin.



Blend it in.



And you get happy eyes!!!

Garnier also came up with a cute application for phones!

Ever wished you had a Magic 8 ball to bring around with you in case of tough decisions? Well, here's one for your phone, FREE!!

You can download it here and it's super easy!

The game is really simple - your sunny yellow roll-on helps you decide whether you should ROLL WITH IT, or ROLL AWAY!

Rotating... Hurry up, my important life decisions are depending on you!

Well, since I was at home that night, I obviously had loads of things to decide on.


For example ---

I am peckish! Should I or should I not?

Let the game decide!!!!!!


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WHAT!

This means I can't eat my Jagabee!!



I don't care!!!





WOOHOO!

It's totally telling me to Roll with it!!!!!!

Having satisfied my stomach, I skip around trying to find other things to Roll with.

SPOTTED!!!






Cute guy sleeping!!!!!


Should I go kiss him???????



Let the game decide!!!!!!!!!!





Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..........................


Must be a technical glitch.






Woohoo! This time it's right!!




Muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah!!!!!!!

FUN ISN'T IT?!

Remember to visit Rollwithit.com.sg to download this cute game on your mobile for free!



** I do not encourage using this method to decide on whether you oughta murder tonight, or do other illegal things. I'm quite sure the judge will not accept this as an excuse.


P/s: Yes I am aware I got loads of black roots showing. I'm about to go dye it already la, ok! Quit harping on it!

Greetings from USA!!

It's minus 2 degrees here in Dallas and I'm having a great time!!

I'm staying with Mike's brother Daniel this time round and thank god for heaters! USA is great**, but I'm missing Singapore already!!

Here are the things I take for granted in Singapore. Count yourself blessed if you are sitting in your Singapore home right now!!


1) You don't sit on a toilet seat and jump up in horror, screaming "Sweet Mother of God!"... Because it is freezing cold.

2) You can order a steaming hot plate of kang kong almost anywhere. I crave for it so much, I'd maim a child now for it. I told Shuyin this and she sent me an email with a bigass picture of a plate of kangkong. Nabeh.

3) No need to spend 20 minutes moisturizing everything from your face to your legs to your nipples after showering everyday.

4) I miss my hammies so much... :( I know this is not really relevant to Singapore but I'm just saying.


I went to this bar/restaurant called Twin Peaks with Mike and his friends the other day. It's like Hooters but even less subtle.

So anyway, the waitresses there are wearing these weeny checked red shirts that's midriff-bearing and tied in between their boobies! And really short skirts and boots.

OMG I actually found a picture!!!!!!!!

Everywhere I turn to, tits are overflowing! And these are not tits that belong to some fat old lady, mind you. The girls are fucking hot!

This seems to be a trend prevalent in America - the hot chicks are all waitresses of some sort!

I understand that hot chicks get more tips and so most of them naturally would be in the service industry, but why???

I don't like it!

When I go to a restaurant with some guy on a date, I don't want my server to be hotter than me and shoving her tits into my date's face, right??

Megan Fox used to be a waitress.

Can you IMAGINE being served by her?? And your boyfriend looks at you and thinks... "Why my girlfriend's tits so small/eyes not as mesmerizing/does not have flowing bronze hair/look like a goddess/etc?"

Maybe I am just being insecure.


But anyway, I also don't get why pretty girls will get more tips than ugly ones. I mean, men would tip them more, surely, but people like me will definitely tip them less.


Me, served by ugly waitress: "Oh go get rhinoplasty... Here, have 20%."

Me, served by pretty waitress: "Get your fucking tits out of my face! And fuck you for having nice legs too! Here's 5% for you. Life ain't so lucky for you now, is it??!?"


Shouldn't this sorta equalise the whole system, or are American girls really so self-assured and confident that they don't care?



**In the South people are are ultra nice, shopping is awesome, and 900 TV channels (plus two porn channels) to choose from.

*****************************************



Check out new videos!!!

XIAXUE'S GUIDE TO LIFE





I was told Wanbao or Shin Min went to cover this video.
Why, thanks for the plug!

Go watch! I do botox and lip fillers!! Dr Georgia Lee is awesome!


CHICK VS DICK




Kaykay and Paul have some childish fun in some unfortunate person's office.

Jetting off!

Sorry for neglecting this blog for so many days! And I'm gonna be neglecting it for even more days coz I'm flying off to USA...

Weds (today) at 10pm! You are welcome to stalk me at the airport - I'm the one with the patent baby pink chioest ever luggage. MUAHAHAHA!!

Excitedness!

Well, I'll be bringing my laptop and updating whenever Mike bothers to figure out how to connect to the wireless network at his brother's house where we will be staying in.

I'm gonna stuff my face with Chicken Express (it's like KFC but less salty and damn juicy!!) and Sonic's cheese tots once I get there! And a corn dog. Like seriously, why isn't that sold here?


I'll be back in SIN on 1st Jan 2009. Woe is me, celebrating multiple new years (time zone) in an airplane!

Last year the same thing happened and I thought that people would whoop in the airplane or have a nice countdown - you know, plane gives out free champagne to everyone... Confetti in air... People hi-fiving each other... Giving out hugs... Is that too much to ask for??

Nope.

Nothing of that sort.

All I got were mopey passengers and stewardesses who delibrately take a long time to get me my water... all coz they were unlucky enough to have to work on New Year's eve and day.

Well fuck you all, fucky people!

Fuck you all is totally my new in phrase. I've been using it a lot on Mike and it really irritates him. When he says the same thing to me I start crying and acting like he is very abusive and I'm really hurt.


Mike: "Baby... Can you wash the bedsheets today?"

Me: "FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mike: "What?? Well, fuck you!"

Me: "Fuck you right back!"

Mike: "....."

Me: -begins to cry-

Go watch new videos!!

XIAXUE'S GUIDE TO LIFE




Hair curling! Just like many of you have requested.


CHICK VS DICK

Ever heard that chugging 2 bottles of sprite and eating bananas will definitely make you puke? Me neither! But Paul and Kaykay have to test out this urban legend!

I should get some sort of award

Here's the "smashing" blog post.

I consulted many people before deciding to blog this. Some people said it's very mean, and there are many others who said they completely don't see how it is mean at all.

So I just decided to blog it lor...

The gist of this post is simple: I photoshop other people's photos to make them good-looking.

When I say good-looking I mean obviously good-looking to me lah. In the "conventional beauty" way.

It started off when Andie and I were looking at this blogger chick's blog photos and kept going on about how ugly her make-up is. Then, I challenged Andie to a photoshop showdown to see who can photoshop this fugly chick into a hot chick!

In the end, I spent about half an hour doing it till, in my opinion, she looked perfect!

Then I thought to myself, "Wow! It's so much easier to like her when she looks like that (end product of photoshop)".

So I further thought... How will other people I don't like look like with photoshop?

And therefore I photoshopped more and more pictures till people started telling me it's a waste not to blog about them.

Since most of the "victims" (or maybe they are privileged, coz loads of people wanna pay me to photoshop them) are people I don't like, I decided, for the fairness of this post, I'm gonna throw in also...

- People I do like
- People I am neutral towards.
- Random people I don't know at all.


Sorry if you got chosen... If I never expressed disliking you, it means that you are just randomly picked!

I was planning to do it on myself as well, but you saw that trick before.


Enough of the whining... Photos!

Let's make this more interesting, shall we?


YOU GET TO GUESS WHO THE PEOPLE ARE!!!!!

These photos you see are the photoshopped versions.

To see the originals (and the answers), please HOVER your mouse over the pictures!

Patience... It might take a while to load but it eventually will! Just keep your mouse on the picture!

Yes, she is a real person.



So which is your favourite?

p/s: All the original photos are either easily available online or proudly displayed on their owner's blogs. Credits to them.

Have a Merry Indulgz Xmas and a happy new year!

Advertorial

Update: New stuff at bottom of this post.

Once again it's an Indulgz free dinner! Wooo! This time they invited me over for tasting their spanking new festive Xmas and New Year menu.

So in case you are now kiasu-ly making plans for your holiday celebrations already, maybe you can consider dining at Indulgz!

This time I invited Ming (founder of Nuffnang and also a personal friend of mine) and his girlfriend Estee to have a quiet sort of dinner with Mike and I.

The last few times I went to Indulgz it was more like a rowdy party and kinda stressed me out coordinating everyone's timing and bringing props - so today I'm just relaxed, double-dating and happy!

Mike and I arrived first. It seems to rain everytime we go to Indulgz! That sounds like a mood-dampener but I actually felt extra romantic cozying inside the snug restaurant. :)

Beautifully decorated for Xmas. The people here really don't scrimp on making the ambiance right.

I'm dressed in a high neck, bare-back ruffled navy blue dress!

Very Christmasy right?



Mike in his usual boring clothes. I need to bring him shopping.


Us

Ming and Estee arrives!


I asked Mike to help us girls take the traditional photo at Indulgz' entrance.

Bah. Before I know what was going on, Mike already snatched the camera and proceeded to take a picture in double quick time. He then shoved the cam to me, like "Ok done, let's go back in"!!

The pic is totally fail lor! I told him to take another.

Same fail picture! No warning or 1,2,3 or whatever! I asked him to take another and he was like, "You want me to stand in the rain somemore?!"

He was so grouchy that day! I forgive him though coz I think he just can't wait to start on the food.

Third pic still not great but passable.



Ming and Estee.

Today we got to preview the Xmas and New Year menu!

Xmas ones are available on Xmas eve and day - and each meal comes with a Xmas cocktail. You can pick to come at 5.30pm to 8pm, or 8.30pm to 11pm. $89.90 per set!


The New Year menu is available from 31 Dec 2008 to 1st Jan 2009.

Foooooooooooood!



CLEAR CHICKEN CONSOMME (Xmas)

Ming and Estee were impressed by Indulgz's first dish!

This newly created soup tastes just like how I remember my grandma used to boil hearty soups - except even better.

It is savoury and sweet and when you drink it, you immediately know that someone took a damn long time to boil this such that all the ingredients' favours are fully infused into the soup!

Check out the smoke! I should take home some to drink during a cold night while watching an old movie with Mike. :D

And the best part about these clear soups is that you will never get tired of drinking it!

See?



CREAMY HOMEMADE CRAB BISQUE (Xmas)

Yums! I've already gushed about this before but here we go again!

This soup is thick, seafoody and creamy at the same time. I don't know how they do it!

The crab is painstakingly handpicked from cruel shells and served to us lazy eaters.

Our soups.

Just as we were craving for drinks, our cocktail is served to us.

SPARKLING CHRISTMAS (Xmas of course)

This is included in the Xmas set meal and it's sparkling joy in a glass!

Normally I hate anything alcoholic but Indulgz has mastered the art of making alcohol taste like any other sweet drink - yet it's pretty strong.

This is made of sweet white wine and something else... Some of us guessed plum, some guessed ginger beer, and I think it tastes like apple! It's actually passionfruit.

Maybe you can be a better guesser than all of us.

Cheers!



Ming and Estee said they look ugly in this pic so I chopped off their heads.


After Cocktail fun

Mike and I tied knots with cherry stems while Ming and Estee looked on, laughing.

Ming asked why people bother to do that and I said it's for girls to prove that their tongues are super strong and will do great in blowjobs and kisses.

Honestly though, it's not that hard to tie a knot so I doubt it proves anything! I think the double knot one is probably really hard. Know anyone who can do that?

Soup finished.



Nice pic! I'm thinking of framing it.



Yippee! Free candy cane!



Next we are served more soups:



WHOLESOME CLAM CHOWDER (NY)



Creamy and delicious! Very tasty and chockful of whole baby clams!

Loves! Normally clam chowders are a litle too thick for my liking. I like that Indulgz's is slightly less thick, but still very creamy and tasty.

There's corn, carrot and celery bits in it. Eeww to the celeries. But I didn't taste them at all coz they are all cooked till real soft.

Major Yums:



CREAMY TOMATOP AND SCALLOP SOUP (NY)

Does this make your mouth water or what?!

Indulgz makes this soup from scratch with real tomatoes that are pureed till they are reduced to this state!

The final result is very tasty tomato soup that's more sweet than it is sour - yet very creamy.

It's like tomatos full blast without the sour and raw part of it. :)

Did I neglect to mention that thing in the middle?

That's right, fresh jumbo scallop!

Needless to say how nice and fresh this is.



I do the cutting to prevent fights.



Proof that we loved it.



Time to cleanse our palette!


We had an intermission of...







STRAWBERRY COINTREAU SORBET (Xmas)

I love sorbets! This one is lovingly homemade and tastes like strawberries margarita. Cointreau is used so it's not too strong (but still quite strong as in alcoholic amount, not taste).

It is very refreshing and totally does its job of cleansing your palette for the main courses.

MAINS:




ROASTED PORK LOIN with
HOMEMADE CHRISTMAS STUFFINGS (Xmas)

This is cooked using the most tender cut of loin, and roasted for hours and hours to retain its juices!

Comes with sweet mashed potatoes and festive Xmas stuffings - and not to mention a dash of red wine sauce to go with the pork.

The stuffings are sweet and immediately reminds me of the joy of Xmas!

Made of walnuts, apples, raisins - among other things.

Ming keeps praising this dish and saying how difficult it is to make a meat so dense so juicy and soft.

One mystery though!

HOW DID THE CHEF CUT THE HOLE FOR THE STUFFINGS???????

The loin is in one whole piece and they said "no meat is wasted". We guessed they drilled a hole in the pork but it is not the right method.

Any guesses? Please tell me coz I am dying of curiosity! The chef won't share his secret. :(

BAKED SEABASS w CAVIAR SAUCE (Xmas)

Baby seabass - marinated and grilled. Served with white wine caviar sauce and fine beans. Drenched with a generous amount of almond flakes.

I love this!

The fish is exceedingly fresh and every bite is full of zest as the fish is done just right with really crispy skin!

The flavour is magically brought out with seasonings on the fish (peppery and salty) as well as, interestingly enough, the almonds.

Pork Loin and Seabass gone! I actually finished the fine beans and mashed potatoes after that.

I know. I'm so gluttony!

Grumpy Mike is happier now!

More courses await us....





GRILLED RIBEYE w Mushroom ragout,
Sauteed spinach and red wine sauce (NY)

I thought that Indulgz's beef can never get any better, but they prove me wrong time and again.

Their beef is well-marbled, and kept fresh by promising never to freeze but to chill.

Ribeye is the second most expensive cut of beef following tenderloin, and...

every bite is really like some taste explosion!

It's very juicy and more juices flow out with every chew. *goes soft thinking about it*

And what makes it even more perfect now is the combination of a few of my favourite things: Namely sauteed spinach and creamy mushrooms!

Omg!!

Omg again!

So fucking nice.

I know you are salivating.

But enough gushing about the beef. Next!!

PAN-ROASTED RED SNAPPER
w Carrot Butter Sauce (NY)

Fresh red snapper... Comes with creamy carrot sauce and asparagus.

Bonus: Also comes with 2 deep-fried oysters!

Soft, meaty and just divine on the inside, with a crispy skin on top of it.

The carrot cream sauce is innovative yet well made. The initial taste is cream and the aftertaste is a subtle taste of carrots.

Mike is overjoyed at the sight of this coz Red Snapper is his favourite fish.

We play with the candy canes.

Force-feeding Mike. "EAT THIS!"






Estee thinks of a better thing to do with the candy cane:



Haha! Looks good on you, Ming!

One more dish awaits us! This is the Special for this week. There will be at least one special dish every week to entice your tastebuds. If you would like to find out what is the specials of the week, just give Indulgz a call at 6238 7032.


We got...

CREAMY SEAFOOD and
ANGEL HAIR PASTA

for our special!

Filled with mussels, squid and salmon chunks... Soft angel's hair pasta... Covered in creamy sauce.

Generous portions.

We tuck in!



Check out the piping hot goodness.

I thought I was goddamn full by this point but I still ate it! Coz it's damn nice!

Normally I like my pasta al dente, but since angel's hair is so fine, it can never be semi-cooked like normal pasta can.

Nonetheless, it more than makes up for it because being so fine, the pasta soaks up more sauce than it normally will. It's something different, yet nice for a change!

The pasta is soft but not mushy, and goes great with the cream sauce!

DESSERT TIME!!!!!!!




Can anyone guess that this is?

We guess banana cake, chocolate, and other rubbish (after tasting it mind you) and we were all wrong!

STICKY DATE and WALNUT PUDDING (Xmas)

Interesting isn't it!?

I'm very impressed because usually interesting stuff are not very yummy but this is great!

It is generously sided with Indulgz's homemade caramel sauce. The inside is nutty, sticky, and sweet with an edge to it.

The slightly burnt aftertaste of the caramel also goes really well with the dense cake.

On top of it is something also surprising: SOUR CREAM!

And remarkably enough it goes great with the cake! It's like magic! Just like parma ham goes with melon! Or Mike goes with me! Hahaha

Estee likes it.


Last but not least, we have our Chocolate Mousse!



MILK CHOCOLATE MOUSSE w
White Chocolate Shavings (NY)

Chocolate mousse is relatively common but getting it absolutely right is not easy!

This one is perfect:

It tastes like soft chocolate ice-cream that's extra creamy and melts in your mouth. Love!

Chef Lawrence comes out to greet us!

I told him that this photo is very boring so I told him to give a cuter pose.

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Now he looks like a happy chef!



Happy meal thanks to him!

Wonder if he feels a lot of job satisfaction? Coz we love his food!



Proof.

Please call Indulgz at 62387032 for reservations or email them at reservations@indulgz.com!!

Work in a company and would like to book a venue for corporate functions? Now you can at Indulgz! Check out this flyer for more info:

*****************************************

Mike and I just did something that makes me snigger in happiness everytime I think about it.

See, we had a pest problem.

Our door, our dear vulnerable wooden door, is attacked by what is called "woodborers".

Everyday an irritating amount of round hard wooden... shavings? pellets? fall out from under the door!

Day after day we keep stepping on these wood bits and after literally a year of procrastination, I decided to call the pest exterminators to come over to see what the hell is the problem with my stupid door.

The people from Ridokill (is this how to spell it?) were really nice and two guys came over wearing lethal-looking masks and looked like they were about to stop all my problems and give the culprits a good spanking at the same time.

The guys felt underneath the door and declared that there are indeed beetles living inside the door, because they could feel the little holes.

Apparently, these bastards eat the wood and multiply... AND GUESS WHAT?

THEY SHIT TRUCKLOADS.

That's right.

Those little wooden pellets that we thought we were stepping on is actually their GODDAMN FECES!

I've been stepping on them and going on my bed and sleeping literally with beetle shit!

CCB!

So anyway, the guys sprayed something that the beetles won't like into the holes.

"M'dm," he declared. "I cannot guarantee that this will kill all the beetles because the holes might be very deep and maybe the spray cannot reach them. But if they go to the area with the spray, they will die."

"Take how long to die?" I asked, imagining a beetle struggling for life futilely on its back and smiling to myself.

"Immediately." My smile widened.

I paid him $120.

Before he left he also assured me that their corpses will remain inside the door and not drop out of it, inconveniencing me. I know, right? How sweet of the beetles to die in a considerate way.

So weeks later...







Still the fuckers are alive and shitting!

I fucking had enough!


One day, Mike took clear duct tape and taped up the bottom portion of the door where their housing entrance is!!!


I imagine this is what will happen to them.

Day 1:

Young beetle:

Ma... I can't get out of the house for a bit for fresh air.



Mom beetle, looks up from eating my door and shitting at the same time:

Good. Come eat some more of this wood.



Young beetle:

Mommmmmmm........ I am sick of eating the same shit everyday! I want to eat something else! And I want to have a life!



Mom beetle:

Om nom nom.

Day 23:

Beetle:

Why is it so smelly?

Day 40:

Beetle:

ARGH! My humongous amount of shit is catching up with me! I am literally suffocating with the shit that's threatening to engulf me! Help! I have no space to manoeuvre! Oh dear what should I do what should I do?

If I don't eat I won't shit anymore but I will die of hunger. If I eat I get more space to move but I also will shit! Arghhhhhhhhhhhh! My life is a meaningless tragedy!

Oh but delicious wood! Om nom nom.

Day 50:

Beetles are dead and squished up in their own shit pellets - which they used to torment me and Mike for a year. It's almost like poetic justice or something.

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New video clips!

XIAXUE'S GUIDE TO LIFE



Bff finals! Check out who wins!



CHICK VS DICK

Who beats who at Twister?
Would you get to see Paul's butt crack? Find out yourself!

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p/s: Ten years ago when I was 14 and Prince William was 16, all I thought of was marrying the cutest prince ever (that was before Harry usurped his position) and becoming a princess. Now, in year 2008, I got to see his penis. It's like... inconceivable. I am this much closer to my dream.

What does this tell us, girls? That's right... Anything is possible.


p/p/s: I demand that I am also shown Jerry Yan's appendage!!!!!

Just joking. I only love Mike and penises frighten me.


p/p/p/s: Don't know if you have seen this, but it's really funny.